Perry:
Lets just say that what I did was not
because of me being a paranoid schizophrenic, I just had to do it. I found that
after I had killed the Cuttlers I just could not stop talking about it to Dick.
I still believe that deep down, way down
to the rock bottom, that I was not going to be able to kill them. This obviously
shows that I am not schizophrenic because I have consistently kept the fact
that I honestly did not think I had it in me to kill the family. I am a good
man. Dick is the one who makes me seem like a paranoid schizophrenic because he
was always asking questions to rattle my thoughts up and confuse me. He
recognized my error when I would constantly say that I really couldn’t believe
that I killed them by him asking me, “How about the n*****,” but I really did
not kill a black man. I had to tell that lie because I am not a gifted liar, so
killing a n***** would justify that I have the ability to kill, but the Cuttler
family is just not the same as the lie I made up. I just could not believe that
anyone could get away with killing the family, and well I was correct about
that.
In
my rational mind, I always have a fixed reason for everything. Just like how I
enjoy Dick’s company. He is a true friend to me. He is despicable to me when it
comes to his sexuality. Christ I hate that stuff, people who cannot control
their sexual beings. How can I be a friend to someone who tried to rape a
little girl? I would have killed him. Just like I killed that family. Which
again shows that I am not a schizophrenic. I have morals; it was just necessary
to kill that poor family.
Capote made me seem like a paranoid
schizophrenic when I stated that, “I
didn’t want to harm the man. I thought he was a very nice gentleman.
Soft-spoken. I thought so right up to the moment I cut his throat” (Capote 244).
This is just me being honest. I hate that stuff, but I just had to do
it. I mean if we were to leave them alive it would be a small rap, ten years at
the least. This is what I wanted to do, but I just ended up killing them; Mr.
Cuttler was first. I didn’t mean to kill him either, I was trying to call
Dick’s bluff. Once I cut his throat I made Dick finish him by stating, “you
will feel better” (Capote 244). Once again, Capote makes me seem like a
paranoid schizophrenic because of me stating that I didn't want to kill the family and then telling Dick that he will enjoy it, which is controversial, but I was just having an inwardly battle about whether I
should kill them or not. When it comes down to it, you just have to do certain
things to be safe. Did I think we were going to get caught? Yes. Did I think
that we deserved to die for what we did? Of course. But unfortunately, the only
option was to kill them. We couldn’t just leave them there tied up.
I
once considered that I had a mental instability when I stated, “to imagine that
one might be ‘not just right’-particularly if whatever was wrong was not your
fault but ‘maybe a thing you were born with’” (Capote 110). But I don’t believe
this. The Cutlers were a nice family, but someone had to pay for the other
people who hurt me in my life. This is not something mental, this is just
matter of fact. If it was mental than I would have been put into a mental
institution a long time ago. I might have issues because of the people who have
caused pain in my life, but then again I might not. After we were
caught I felt that my life was unworthy. I didn’t kill myself though because I
was given life for a reason. In the end, my death was one that should have pity
on. Capote made me seem like this male figure that had mental issues, but I did
not at all have these problems.
Here's a picture of Dick and me:
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